lambing at kislap ng iyong mga mata

ang vanilla cafe latte at starbucks planner

at may upuan sa harap ko.


isa na lang talaga ang kulang....

siya lang at wala nang iba.

(happy dubai anniversary to you baby!!! i'm so proud of you!!! mwah!)

ohmygulay! today marks my first anniversary here at work =)

just a year ago, i was this timid filipino girl (at that time, I felt like a girl and not a woman really) walking up to the front desk area looking for my would-be boss. i was dressed in a black suit (and a skirt at that) only to find out that people here don’t really “dress-up” that much. my first day was greeted with welcoming smiles and hellos, it instantly reminded me of my family in EW.

i remember at that time, i initially decided that i would only stay here for a couple of months and find another work (I wanted to try my hand at recruitment). but i changed my mind, mainly because my real calling was to train and to support training.

for a time, i was lost.

a few days after i came in, i attended my first meeting (it was a meeting with our external facilitators) and the senior project officer asked me to take down the minutes. it was one challenge that made my head ache so much that after the meeting i just had to cry. i felt so sad and alone, so incompetent--adjusting to this new country, to this new workplace, and to their language (i so hated their accent before). it was overwhelming and i hated it. i hated being an outsider.

when family and friends ask me how things were at work, i’d always say i’m fine and i just tell them about the nice things that happened at work. i never complained about anything bad, i never focused on my hate feelings. i never admitted any difficulty because i didn’t want anyone to worry about me. i knew everyone was cheering for me, even I was cheering for me. it was my decision not to let anyone (not even myself) down.

so i kept at it and never gave up. first and foremost, i still feel very lucky to find work so easily and that this government office that i joined in is not really so bad (they’re actually like a family to me). second, because i needed the money badly (who doesn’t anyway?). and third, i wouldn’t wanna waste a blessing that was given to me. at the back of my mind, i know that god knows best.

and then christmas holidays happened, and found myself missing work! wow! it was one feeling that i miss…i missed missing work. that’s how i found out that i love this job, that i love what i do and that i love the workplace i’m working at. i realized that i do belong here (when you’re new and a filo at that, you automatically feel like an outsider), i’m respected and i have my own space here.

and so i found myself again.

little by little, i realized that i am needed regardless of who and what i am. that in the eyes of my trainees and colleagues, I am competent, professional and reliable.

what i felt before was fear and uncertainty, but now i feel the urge of this newly-found strength to continue what i need to do.

i was weak and (a little bit) helpless when i came here, and now i’m tougher (I can now kick some ass hehehe).

i’m not sure whether i will stay in this office for a long time. Who knows where my wings would take me?

what matters was that i was able to get over myself. what matters was that i was able to find my niche in this industry (hah! i'm in government...who'd believe i'd be in public service aye?). what matters is that i’m able to slowly build up my career helping me in being whole again.

today, i'm not lost anymore.

unexpected visit to DFO (FO stands for Factory Outlet, can't remember what the D stands for) today. my tita suggested it and since there seems to be no other time to go shop there (since there would be alot of weekend happenings starting november), we head on to land of sale, sale, sale.

i bought a lot of stuff, mostly pasalubong to my parents and clothes that chris and i will need for our vaycay.

our last stop was at the sony center where i got a good deal for the hard disk handycam i am lusting at for the last couple of months. this is all part of our plan really so it's no surprise, we were just waiting for the right time. and i guess it was all meant to be today because i got one of the high-end models for the price of a lower model. oh well, this is really one "magastos" month for me but we have worked hard for this anyway. and at least we are able to buy stuff we need for our much-awaited vaycay and wedding. so it's all good.

now if only i can figure this thing out...hehehe.

last night, 19oct06

met up with fellow brides in celebration of jackie's trip to manila---for her church wedding!!! isn't that exciting? she'll be the first one to get married (in church) of all five of us. this is like a sign to all of us to wake up and start getting serious with the wedding preps (duh? hindi pa pala kami serious sa preps ng lagay na yan). goodness, parang kailan lang mega-taranta kami sa pagpili ng suppliers at kakaisip ng mga detalye, and now what? the verdict last night was: all of us are calm and relaxed, no jitters yet. as for me and jackie, we are somehow over the wedding already, although we are looking forward to the event (of course) but we're not really fussing about it anymore. to hell with the details!!! naks, ang tapang ah :)

so sorry that pam got sick---we're not really complete...but dominic (che's husband) filled the void hehehewe

met up in the middle of pitt street and walked to hyde park where a night noodle festival was ongoing. it was such a happy place---lots of people lining up for food (there were like a thousand food stalls, parang fiesta), sitting or lying on the park while eating their yummy food.

after savoring our yummy yummy dinner, we explored the art and about exhibit where you could gigantic photos featuring THE FACE OF SYDNEY, which is a photographic portrait of sydney's residents. i especially wanted to be in hyde park just for this. it's all beautiful. really wish chris was with me at that very moment i was looking at all those giant photos.

and on the side, i tried capturing a couple of photos of hyde park at night. ang hirap pare! hirap talagang kumuha ng shots sa gabi.

anyway, enjoy naman kami. after looking at the photos we had dessert to end our gimik.

it was all fun =)

here's some photos for you.

and by the way, will add more photos soon--still waiting for jack and teena to send in their photos (paki-send na lang mga kapatid)

actually three people got me a bouquet of pink lilies today...sooo pretty!

happy anniversary to me!!!!

to everyone who greeted, emailed back and wished me well, thank you!!!!

today marks my first anniversary here in sydney, australia.

i'm relieved, happy and surprised at myself for having been able to survive my first year here. i have learned a lot of things from my experiences here and i've also learned alot about myself.

i remember when i arrived at sydney airport and saw my tita bess, tito andy and the kids, i cried. i was so overwhelmed with my feelings of sadness and uncertainty i can't help but cry when i saw them. and when i arrived home, they told me to call my parents and chris to tell them i safely arrived but i didn't. i didn't want talk to them coz i know i'm just gonna breakdown and cry. and i think, when i did call them, i didn't cry much when i talked to my parents, but when i called chris, i broke down. i felt so lost, so empty, so sad.

but on that same day, eventhough i was swimming in too much gloom, i vowed to myself that i will be strong and that i will stay afloat no matter what. i told myself that i have come this far and has given up too much (i have my family, chris, friends and career in manila--in short, i already have a life) to just wallow in my emotions. and so i fought all negative vibes with a proactive outlook in life.

it turned out that the fates were on my side...after a week of my stay here, i got a job at a government office. and what's better is that i found a job that is inline with my career which is training and development. i am now a training administrator doing admin and support to training services given to caseworkers (a.k.a. social workers) in new south wales.

with my new life here, i had to adjust to a lot of things and acquire changes in my lifestyle. read below some things i have gone thru for the past year and the things that changed about me (there are alot, but i just had to highlight some few).

i learned to speak like aussies in order for them to understand me. okay, we all know that australians speak english but they have this accent similar to the british. i can speak english but my accent is american (which my boss pointed out one time and i had to explain to him that the reason my accent is american is because we were colonized by the americans before) so my english can only get me to a certain point. little by little, i was able to have a little bit of twang in order to communicate.

other than the accent, i had to know some words like serviettes (a.k.a. table napkins), bin (a.k.a trash can), sunnies (a.k.a. sunglasses ---if you say shades, they'll ask you "what?" hehehe), arvo (a.k.a afternoon, like "i'll be arriving on tuesday arvo"), wopwop (a.k.a far away place, as in "i'm going wopwop so what do you care?"), etc.

my legs became my bestfriend. people here walk and walk and walk! i've experienced walking from my office (glebe point road) to central station ---that's a 40-minute walk, so it's no joke! but i love it. i do this once in a while (hindi naman araw-araw no?) especially when the weather is nice. i've experienced walking from circular quay station to town hall station (25-minute walk) after a friday night dinner at the rocks. my legs hurt like hell, but company was good and the walk was sort of relaxing in a way. i sometimes briskwalk at a nearby park at home in order to relax and exercise ---this i found very good in healing the heart and freeing the mind with negatives. i walk everyday from central train station to my bus station in going to glebe (about 10 mins) and it's one walk that i look forward to everyday because it's an activity that i feel my whole body coming alive, making me ready to face my day at work.

i became low maintenance. i don't wear make-up as much as i did in the phils. i (sometimes) even go to work without make-up! just powder and lipgloss and i'm set to go. i don't go to a salon regularly (before i used to get my hair trimmed once every two months, ngayon umaabot na ako ng three months without a trim). i wear havaianas in going to shops, restos, beaches. i go out of the house not caring what i look sometimes. here, people will look at you questioningly if you go to the mall with make-up on or you look too dressed-up--they'd automatically think that you don't live in australia. it's basically one of the things i like here, the no-frills look that aussies have, they're very natural, like they just came from the beach or something.

side kwento: ang ibang aussies naman sobrang simple to the point na hindi na sila nagsusuklay bago lumabas ng bahay. there's a very thin line between simplicity and being pabaya sa sarili. of course, pinays here become simple when they live here but they still take care of themselves, so even if simple, they still look good.

i now prioritize time with family rather than time at work. friends who know me well know how passionate i am with my career. but that's one major change in me today. one of the things i learned from the aussies is their value for family. generally, people here spend their time off work and weekends with family. shops (a.k.a malls) here close at 5:30pm (even weekends ha?) encouraging people to just go home and spend time with family. as for me, i'm normally at home having dinner at 6:00pm. i go out once in a while like on a thursday or friday night to unwind with friends.

i now have more financial power. admit or not, all pinoys working abroad do acquire that certain buying power. but it's up to us to put it to good use. since i came here, i have kept in touched with my bank from time to time. i update them on whatever financial change that happens in my life. i consult them with our (chris and i) plans in terms of acquisition of assets especially that we are settling down soon. i have invested some of our money on managed funds in the aim that it will grow faster than money deposited on normal bank accounts.

and since chris and i (isasali ko na rin si chris) have money saved and money to spend (thanks to the sacrifice that we made), we are now inspired to pursue our dreams, individually and as a couple.

i now have friends here (friends are the greatest isn't it?). it's hard for me to make friends because i don't trust easily. but i had to bend this rule a bit in order to have a life here. i learned how to reach out, as in really reach out to people that i don't really know. since this is a multicultural country, i had to learn how to commune with everyone. it's one of my greatest learnings here: be global---the ability to interact with all races, not just be friends with kapwa pinoys.

side kwento: if somebody asks me if this country is racist, i'd say no. sometimes, pinoys are more racist in some ways (don't mean to offend). ako, i admit, that i sometimes discriminate--there is one race that i don't like hanging out with because they smell and their manners suck(okay, go figure). generally, aussies are very friendly and helpful, and they're actually very conscious of being racist, they even follow the law of discrimination to the letter.

surviving in a new place is hard, it's really a struggle especially deep inside you. there are times i ask myself if this is really where i should be. maybe in time i'd fully understand, as in really fully understand. as i've mentioned in my previous posts, i have a mission here and i have somehow affirmed to myself that my mission/calling is authentic because even if i'm too lonely, too sad and too homesick for my old life in the phils, my strength never wavers and my positive outlook is always constant. i have never been too weary to be out of focus.

i have a lot to thank for for the past year. i will forever be grateful to this country for showing me that there is indeed a bigger world out there that we must explore and make the most out of, and this country made me believe that the world is such a beautiful place to live in. i will forever be grateful to my relatives for being generous enough to help me in all my undertakings here. i will always thank my parents for letting me go even if it hurt them so much. i am thankful for chris for letting me spread my wings and for being my dream partner (happy anniversary din sayo, one year ka na din sa dubai, baby!). i am thankful for friends that have been faithful to me, near or far. and to the friends i have made here, thank you for sharing your journeys with me. and lastly, to the one above, who never tire of giving me a chance to grow, for giving me challenges that make me a better person and a stronger woman. indeed, there is nothing impossible if we only have faith, always.

for snippets of my life here, please check my multiply site.

it's friday again :)

isn't it four o'clock yet?

i'm bored...i wanna go home.

i mean i have work to do here at the office...but i'm just feeling lazy today.

i haven't uploaded photos from last weekend's day trip at luna park :( been busy with work, honeymoon details and payments, wedding money laundering (from sydney to manila--hah! it's all done baby, now we can relax abit), pasalubong shopping, sorting stuff after doing pasalubong shopping, sending chris' vitamins to dubai and chatting up with some of my wedding suppliers.

i really wish sometimes it's over SOON.

don't get me wrong, i LOVE being a bride but going home for the first time in 14 months, organizing a wedding and a honeymoon is really tedious and tiring. very challenging though but exhausting. it really takes some sort of psychological, mental and emotional strength to go thru something like this.

once, a friend of mine asked me how am i able to do all these wedding preps with so much keeness to details, and all i said was: "it's easy to do something if you are in love and you love what you do, it's all about love hane."

simple, right? no need to trivialize things.

enough said.

so what else keeps me busy?

oh, i've started the production of our wedding souvenirs. i need about 200 pieces (and maybe more coz i'm gonna give it out to friends who won't be able to attend too) and as of yesterday, i finished my 20th piece. dami pa no? dibale, kaya yan. di na ako natataranta ngayon :) i'm so over my wedding "taranta" as of now. i'm confident that everything will fall into place, and if it doesn't, so what??? the most important thing is that i'm marrying my bestfriend.

shucks, i'm back to wedding stuff chuva.

i better stop this blabbering...was supposed to just tell you that i'm bored at work and i can't wait for my weekend to start.

cheers everyone!

xoxo, ibyang :)

p.s. photos to come soon, promise ;)

why do some people think you owe them something?

well, damned if i don't and damned if i do.

since i'm gonna be damned anyway, might as well do what i wanna do.

had a poker party here at my tita bess' a couple of nights ago so while they played poker (i didn't wanna play) i just grabbed my midori and smokes and stayed at the backyard's lounge area and reflected on the question "am i really ready?" (i'm of course pertaining to me getting married) while stargazing.

this is really not a question of whether i'm having doubts or not because i am definitely not. it's just that i find it amusing that each passing day, i discover bits and pieces leading me to the realization that i am ready to enjoy this exciting change in my life.

first step to being ready
i knew i was ready when i made the biggest sacrifice of moving here in sydney. if it was just chris and i, we would have stayed in the phils. but during our final moment of deliberation on whether to go or not, the last question was "what about our future kids? will we be able to give them a comfortable life if we stayed in the phils?" now, that was the last straw--since we'll build a family of our own, we had to learn the value of sacrifice and the value of thinking for "our children's" future (even if they aren't even alive yet). when we came to the conclusion that we are making this move not only for us, i was struck with the realization that our visions in life has deeply matured over the years and that we accept the fact that we have to make sacrifices in order to be fully ready.

on career
i'm now on the support side of training. i'm still in my area of expertise but i'm not on the hectic side of things which i'm loving every minute of.

i have been with training for almost nine years already. my eight years were spent with out-of-town trips, weeekends with trainees and co-trainers, endless days of training at the bank i used to work for, running around in circles in order to give what trainees need or want and even entertain them in the aim to just amuse and get their attention. i enjoyed and loved every minute i was able to give to my trainees then. in my own little way, i left a legacy in all of them. it was a gift to be able to impart some valuable knowledge to each one of them. it is an experience that i will always treasure in my heart knowing i made a little bit of difference in one's life.

maybe one day, i will have the opportunity to do something like that again. but for now, i'm more geared up with responsibilities of being a wife and mom. i can't wait for the day when my husband will come home to me and just be his wife and i can't wait to hear our future kids telling me they love me just because i cooked their favorite dinner. it sounds idealistic i know but it's actually not! being a wife and mom is all about hardwork, it is a career in the truest sense of the word.

i have read in "Cana is Forever" that marriage is a career and i fully agree. i have given nine years of my life to nourish other people's minds, but for the next years to come, i am prepared to give my time to my family and make them the biggest priority in my life.

on loving chris everyday
now this is an easy one, in a way (hehehe).

i now look forward to waking up beside him, cooking for him, doing domestic chores with (take note chris, WITH--hahaha) him and for him, learning new things with him, solving problems with him, even fighting with him. yes, i expect the best and worst from our married life together.

during the course of editing our nuptial mass misalette for the church ceremony, i realized the words "til death do us part" never meant anything to me until this year. and it dawned on me how meaningful, powerful and scary those words are.

i may be so inlove with chris but i was never romantic on the kind of life we will have---that's why "til death do us part" is a scary thing. i know that we won't have a perfect life together, we will see the best and worst of each other everyday of our lives. we'll go thru major challenges, life-altering moments, we will be happy one day, sad the next, we will laugh and we will cry---all the happy and not-so-happy things that happens in married life. yes, we are not blind...we are just willing to take a leap of faith.

there are no guarantees in life, there is only great love and faith.

we don't expect that our life will be perfect, we just want it to be REAL...the way our love is.

arghh! can't believe i'm making the switch!!!!! damn damn damn.

i'm a sony girl and i plan to buy myself the sony mp3 flash as a gift to MYSELF because it's my first anniversary here in sydney (yes, isang taon na ako dito!)---call it whatever, but i just want to reward myself, that's all.

the problem was the 2 gig mp3 player of sony only has black and purple (which is a yucky color) and i really wanted a pink one. all my stuff are already black: from my phone to my camera and even my future laptop (!) according to chris will be black (it's his wedding gift to me)...so i really wanted something pink--something so ME! and so i was kinda hesitant...i was thinking "pati ba naman mp3 player ko black, napaka-gothic ko naman!"

and now this morning, when i woke up and checked catalogues from electronic shops...i saw the answer to my prayer (haha!):


now if only for the marketing strategy of ipod, i'd really have to give them credit. i honestly do not believe that ipod is something to die for, that it's just a fad. as far as trusting the product, i don't have an inch of trust on it yet. but now i believe that the ipod is really the coolest gadget here on earth for the mere reason that they create what people want. like me, i was immediately drawn to this product only because they have the color that i want---it's shallow i know, but what can i do? if one brand has the product that i want, then i have no choice since the other brand that i trust doesn't have the one i want (this is really all about wants yah know?), then i may have to switch at one point in time. maybe, when i have one of these, i'd know if ipod is really what its cracked up to be.

for features and other what-nots visit the apple website.