Thursday, October 26, 2006
happy one year at work today
ohmygulay! today marks my first anniversary here at work =)
just a year ago, i was this timid filipino girl (at that time, I felt like a girl and not a woman really) walking up to the front desk area looking for my would-be boss. i was dressed in a black suit (and a skirt at that) only to find out that people here don’t really “dress-up” that much. my first day was greeted with welcoming smiles and hellos, it instantly reminded me of my family in EW.
i remember at that time, i initially decided that i would only stay here for a couple of months and find another work (I wanted to try my hand at recruitment). but i changed my mind, mainly because my real calling was to train and to support training.
for a time, i was lost.
a few days after i came in, i attended my first meeting (it was a meeting with our external facilitators) and the senior project officer asked me to take down the minutes. it was one challenge that made my head ache so much that after the meeting i just had to cry. i felt so sad and alone, so incompetent--adjusting to this new country, to this new workplace, and to their language (i so hated their accent before). it was overwhelming and i hated it. i hated being an outsider.
when family and friends ask me how things were at work, i’d always say i’m fine and i just tell them about the nice things that happened at work. i never complained about anything bad, i never focused on my hate feelings. i never admitted any difficulty because i didn’t want anyone to worry about me. i knew everyone was cheering for me, even I was cheering for me. it was my decision not to let anyone (not even myself) down.
so i kept at it and never gave up. first and foremost, i still feel very lucky to find work so easily and that this government office that i joined in is not really so bad (they’re actually like a family to me). second, because i needed the money badly (who doesn’t anyway?). and third, i wouldn’t wanna waste a blessing that was given to me. at the back of my mind, i know that god knows best.
and then christmas holidays happened, and found myself missing work! wow! it was one feeling that i miss…i missed missing work. that’s how i found out that i love this job, that i love what i do and that i love the workplace i’m working at. i realized that i do belong here (when you’re new and a filo at that, you automatically feel like an outsider), i’m respected and i have my own space here.
and so i found myself again.
little by little, i realized that i am needed regardless of who and what i am. that in the eyes of my trainees and colleagues, I am competent, professional and reliable.
what i felt before was fear and uncertainty, but now i feel the urge of this newly-found strength to continue what i need to do.
i was weak and (a little bit) helpless when i came here, and now i’m tougher (I can now kick some ass hehehe).
i’m not sure whether i will stay in this office for a long time. Who knows where my wings would take me?
what matters was that i was able to get over myself. what matters was that i was able to find my niche in this industry (hah! i'm in government...who'd believe i'd be in public service aye?). what matters is that i’m able to slowly build up my career helping me in being whole again.
today, i'm not lost anymore.
just a year ago, i was this timid filipino girl (at that time, I felt like a girl and not a woman really) walking up to the front desk area looking for my would-be boss. i was dressed in a black suit (and a skirt at that) only to find out that people here don’t really “dress-up” that much. my first day was greeted with welcoming smiles and hellos, it instantly reminded me of my family in EW.
i remember at that time, i initially decided that i would only stay here for a couple of months and find another work (I wanted to try my hand at recruitment). but i changed my mind, mainly because my real calling was to train and to support training.
for a time, i was lost.
a few days after i came in, i attended my first meeting (it was a meeting with our external facilitators) and the senior project officer asked me to take down the minutes. it was one challenge that made my head ache so much that after the meeting i just had to cry. i felt so sad and alone, so incompetent--adjusting to this new country, to this new workplace, and to their language (i so hated their accent before). it was overwhelming and i hated it. i hated being an outsider.
when family and friends ask me how things were at work, i’d always say i’m fine and i just tell them about the nice things that happened at work. i never complained about anything bad, i never focused on my hate feelings. i never admitted any difficulty because i didn’t want anyone to worry about me. i knew everyone was cheering for me, even I was cheering for me. it was my decision not to let anyone (not even myself) down.
so i kept at it and never gave up. first and foremost, i still feel very lucky to find work so easily and that this government office that i joined in is not really so bad (they’re actually like a family to me). second, because i needed the money badly (who doesn’t anyway?). and third, i wouldn’t wanna waste a blessing that was given to me. at the back of my mind, i know that god knows best.
and then christmas holidays happened, and found myself missing work! wow! it was one feeling that i miss…i missed missing work. that’s how i found out that i love this job, that i love what i do and that i love the workplace i’m working at. i realized that i do belong here (when you’re new and a filo at that, you automatically feel like an outsider), i’m respected and i have my own space here.
and so i found myself again.
little by little, i realized that i am needed regardless of who and what i am. that in the eyes of my trainees and colleagues, I am competent, professional and reliable.
what i felt before was fear and uncertainty, but now i feel the urge of this newly-found strength to continue what i need to do.
i was weak and (a little bit) helpless when i came here, and now i’m tougher (I can now kick some ass hehehe).
i’m not sure whether i will stay in this office for a long time. Who knows where my wings would take me?
what matters was that i was able to get over myself. what matters was that i was able to find my niche in this industry (hah! i'm in government...who'd believe i'd be in public service aye?). what matters is that i’m able to slowly build up my career helping me in being whole again.
today, i'm not lost anymore.
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