Thursday, December 14, 2006
of love and distance
as we celebrate our 4th anniversary today, i can't help but be proud that we surpassed one of the toughest challenges ever given to us as a couple---that is us being physically apart for more than a year.
before we left, i knew some friends (matatawag nga kayang friends?) of ours had doubts as to our relationship's endurance. some people thought that chris would find another girl when i leave or that i would find another guy out here. believe it or not, there are people close to us that never believed in us and in this relationship. it hurt when i learned of these speculations. i never told chris about this (ngayon nya lang malalaman thru this entry). a bigger part of me played the art of deadma and apparently i completely forgot about it (til now).
the thing was, at that time, there were so many things on our minds (and until now marami pa rin kaming iniisip) so i didn't wanna focus on the negatives anymore. anyway, it's just speculations and some people just wanna bring you down so ba't ko papatulan?
when i got my permanent residency visa from the australian embassy and when he got a job in dubai, the first thing that crossed our minds was: matutupad na ang mga pangarap natin!!!! we were so positive even if we knew we'd have to be apart. all we ever thought about then was our dreams (as individuals and as a couple) coming true and our need to focus on what is important to us rather than the fear of being away from each other.
of course, we were sad. we have been together for quite awhile and we were so used to being there for each other physically. but we had to think of our future, the kind of life we want to have, the family that we want to nourish and the fulfillment of our so-called missions in life.
before we left the phils, we agreed to one thing: to focus on our goals and to be happy even if we're apart. and with so much faith and hope in our hearts, we survived 14 months of separation.
14 long months, but full, beautiful months. and as we prepare for our homecoming in manila, we have no doubt that the sacrifice to be apart was one of the best decisions we have made as a couple because we were able to fulfill our dreams and at the same time we are able to help other people along the way. and most importantly, this experience has taught us valuable lessons that will forever be a part of us.
we have learned the value of sacrifice. that even if we miss each other so much, we only talk on the phone once a week in order to save money. the only exceptions would be if there was an emergency or a pressing matter that can't wait. other than the phone calls, we had to make our own little sacrifices in order to save money so we'll have a nice start-off in our married life. we both rarely go out with friends (less gimik, less gastos), we always bring food to work so we won't have to buy lunch, we rarely shop for clothes and shoes and we monitor all our expenses (as in naka-excel format pa yan hahaha). other than all these, the biggest sacrifice is to leave the life we built in the philippines and start anew in a foreign land. plus, we had to leave our loved-ones behind. pagdating sa part na'to, we sometimes can't help but shed a tear. we really miss our family and friends in the phils so much.
we learned to be more responsible and independent. that even if we knew we had each other, we had to fend for ourselves and stand with our own feet. we had to be happy. we had to be okay. we had to learn and do things on our own. we had to function as efficiently as we can even if we're alone. we had to be one whole person so we can be a better couple together. when one of us is feeling lost, one had to say "kaya mo yan kahit wala ako dyan". after sometime, we realized that being responsible and independent has a bonus---that is you learn to love yourself and discover that you love your own company. we discovered that happiness should come from within, that we never have to depend on each other just to be happy.
we learned to respect and trust each other more. even if we're engaged, i never just call him whenever i want to. i respect his time so i ask him first on when's the best time to call him. we don't even have a rule on correspondence (e.g. that we have to email once a day). if one of us never emails for a day or two, we let it pass. if a phone call is running late, we readily give our benefit of the doubt for the other person.
so what is our secret on how this relationship worked given the distance and time difference????
very simple, we never took each other seriously.
we have issues every now and then. we sometimes do not agree on things. we miss each other so much. a million times we thought of flying to each other's countries if only for one kiss or embrace. on top of everything else, we are also working on our wedding preparations. we have our fears. we sometimes have doubts and insecurities. sometimes, nanghihina na rin kami sa lungkot.
and there's a couple more things we have gone through these past 14 months. madami pa, but we never keep count, we never make lists, we rarely fight about our issues (we had two major fights at wedding-related pa). we never took things (trivial or not) seriously. when we talk about our concerns or issues or dramas in life, we end our conversation with "o sige, tawa muna tayo bago ibaba ang phone". and it works that way. there's no pressure on this relationship. sa dami ng hirap na dinanas namin habang magkalayo kami, wala kaming inisip kungdi ang mga katuparan ng pangarap namin at ang mga taong pwede naming matulungan kung matupad man ang mga pangarap na ito. we did whatever's the next indicated thing and we never sweat it. our hearts and minds are focused only on the goal.
this is one basic truth that i need to share: long distance relationships are not for everyone---and no one is an exception to this rule. married or not, there are people who really can't endure this. this is a fact, long distance relationships are only for the strong-hearted.
after the wedding, chris and i will be apart again and i know the second time will be more painful because we will part as husband and wife. of course, i want to start our life together ASAP. of course, i want to have an apartment with him so we can play house. and of course, i want to be a mom soon. but we have to wait and sacrifice a bit more. and i know even if we're married, we may have separations like this again (there's a british businessman who has expressed that he'd like chris to work for their london office, naloka ang beauty ko pero super natuwa rin ako kasi at least may ibang gustong magbigay ng job opportunity kay chris). in a way, we invite adventure in our lives so we'll see where our dreams will take us. and at the end of the day, we just pray to god, lifting all our wishes and worries to him. we're letting his will be done.
as i end my entry, let me just give a very special message to my one and only life partner:
chris, thank you so much for making me so happy...for becoming the man that you are now...for sharing your life with me...for sharing your dreams with me and for supporting my dreams, some of which they come true because of you...for giving me strength in times when i need it badly...for giving me so much peace in this lifetime...for teaching me the value of sharing and forgiveness...for teaching me the value of foresight...for simply loving me the best way you can. thank you for four beautiful years, baby! happy happy happy anniversary! i love you always.
before we left, i knew some friends (matatawag nga kayang friends?) of ours had doubts as to our relationship's endurance. some people thought that chris would find another girl when i leave or that i would find another guy out here. believe it or not, there are people close to us that never believed in us and in this relationship. it hurt when i learned of these speculations. i never told chris about this (ngayon nya lang malalaman thru this entry). a bigger part of me played the art of deadma and apparently i completely forgot about it (til now).
the thing was, at that time, there were so many things on our minds (and until now marami pa rin kaming iniisip) so i didn't wanna focus on the negatives anymore. anyway, it's just speculations and some people just wanna bring you down so ba't ko papatulan?
when i got my permanent residency visa from the australian embassy and when he got a job in dubai, the first thing that crossed our minds was: matutupad na ang mga pangarap natin!!!! we were so positive even if we knew we'd have to be apart. all we ever thought about then was our dreams (as individuals and as a couple) coming true and our need to focus on what is important to us rather than the fear of being away from each other.
of course, we were sad. we have been together for quite awhile and we were so used to being there for each other physically. but we had to think of our future, the kind of life we want to have, the family that we want to nourish and the fulfillment of our so-called missions in life.
before we left the phils, we agreed to one thing: to focus on our goals and to be happy even if we're apart. and with so much faith and hope in our hearts, we survived 14 months of separation.
14 long months, but full, beautiful months. and as we prepare for our homecoming in manila, we have no doubt that the sacrifice to be apart was one of the best decisions we have made as a couple because we were able to fulfill our dreams and at the same time we are able to help other people along the way. and most importantly, this experience has taught us valuable lessons that will forever be a part of us.
we have learned the value of sacrifice. that even if we miss each other so much, we only talk on the phone once a week in order to save money. the only exceptions would be if there was an emergency or a pressing matter that can't wait. other than the phone calls, we had to make our own little sacrifices in order to save money so we'll have a nice start-off in our married life. we both rarely go out with friends (less gimik, less gastos), we always bring food to work so we won't have to buy lunch, we rarely shop for clothes and shoes and we monitor all our expenses (as in naka-excel format pa yan hahaha). other than all these, the biggest sacrifice is to leave the life we built in the philippines and start anew in a foreign land. plus, we had to leave our loved-ones behind. pagdating sa part na'to, we sometimes can't help but shed a tear. we really miss our family and friends in the phils so much.
we learned to be more responsible and independent. that even if we knew we had each other, we had to fend for ourselves and stand with our own feet. we had to be happy. we had to be okay. we had to learn and do things on our own. we had to function as efficiently as we can even if we're alone. we had to be one whole person so we can be a better couple together. when one of us is feeling lost, one had to say "kaya mo yan kahit wala ako dyan". after sometime, we realized that being responsible and independent has a bonus---that is you learn to love yourself and discover that you love your own company. we discovered that happiness should come from within, that we never have to depend on each other just to be happy.
we learned to respect and trust each other more. even if we're engaged, i never just call him whenever i want to. i respect his time so i ask him first on when's the best time to call him. we don't even have a rule on correspondence (e.g. that we have to email once a day). if one of us never emails for a day or two, we let it pass. if a phone call is running late, we readily give our benefit of the doubt for the other person.
so what is our secret on how this relationship worked given the distance and time difference????
very simple, we never took each other seriously.
we have issues every now and then. we sometimes do not agree on things. we miss each other so much. a million times we thought of flying to each other's countries if only for one kiss or embrace. on top of everything else, we are also working on our wedding preparations. we have our fears. we sometimes have doubts and insecurities. sometimes, nanghihina na rin kami sa lungkot.
and there's a couple more things we have gone through these past 14 months. madami pa, but we never keep count, we never make lists, we rarely fight about our issues (we had two major fights at wedding-related pa). we never took things (trivial or not) seriously. when we talk about our concerns or issues or dramas in life, we end our conversation with "o sige, tawa muna tayo bago ibaba ang phone". and it works that way. there's no pressure on this relationship. sa dami ng hirap na dinanas namin habang magkalayo kami, wala kaming inisip kungdi ang mga katuparan ng pangarap namin at ang mga taong pwede naming matulungan kung matupad man ang mga pangarap na ito. we did whatever's the next indicated thing and we never sweat it. our hearts and minds are focused only on the goal.
this is one basic truth that i need to share: long distance relationships are not for everyone---and no one is an exception to this rule. married or not, there are people who really can't endure this. this is a fact, long distance relationships are only for the strong-hearted.
after the wedding, chris and i will be apart again and i know the second time will be more painful because we will part as husband and wife. of course, i want to start our life together ASAP. of course, i want to have an apartment with him so we can play house. and of course, i want to be a mom soon. but we have to wait and sacrifice a bit more. and i know even if we're married, we may have separations like this again (there's a british businessman who has expressed that he'd like chris to work for their london office, naloka ang beauty ko pero super natuwa rin ako kasi at least may ibang gustong magbigay ng job opportunity kay chris). in a way, we invite adventure in our lives so we'll see where our dreams will take us. and at the end of the day, we just pray to god, lifting all our wishes and worries to him. we're letting his will be done.
as i end my entry, let me just give a very special message to my one and only life partner:
chris, thank you so much for making me so happy...for becoming the man that you are now...for sharing your life with me...for sharing your dreams with me and for supporting my dreams, some of which they come true because of you...for giving me strength in times when i need it badly...for giving me so much peace in this lifetime...for teaching me the value of sharing and forgiveness...for teaching me the value of foresight...for simply loving me the best way you can. thank you for four beautiful years, baby! happy happy happy anniversary! i love you always.
Labels: chris
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