Thursday, August 10, 2006
longing for my true friends
it's not normal that i'm still awake at this hour. believe it or not, i'm usually in bed by 8:30-9:00pm during weekdays. but tonight's different. as soon as i logged on, armi was online and we exchanged messages for about 45 minutes.
i was so happy to hear from her. talking to her was like food to my soul. eventhough we only talked for a bit, conversing with her felt like i was finally
relieved of longing. i ached for the kind of friendship that we have: safe, comfortable, at peace. although, we still have the same kind of friendship, it just sucks that we are too far away that we can't do anything about it but just wish that we're in one place at one time.
after talking to her, i just surfed for new songs to download to kill time and at 9:00pm, i called my two girlfriends, nessy and shane. nessy told me this afternoon via email that she and shane will meet up for dinner to do some catching up, so we agreed that i would call them so i can somehow hear their voices and chika.
and chika we did. was another happy moment. hearing their voices, knowing that they are still there for me really counts a lot. i sounded a bit corny to ask them if they miss me...and they said yes---i needed to hear that. i felt somehow my heart healed.
for sometime now, i've been feeling that my life is so far away from the people i love back home. i sometimes wonder how can i feel so alone in this big, big city? i am surrounded by relatives, friends, workmates, and acquaintances, but a part of me is lonely for my true friends.
don't get me wrong. i'm happy with the blessing and opportunity that was given to me, that being here is something i will always be thankful for. but what i have gone thru for the past ten months was one of the hardest things i've done in my life--that's (figuratively) packing my life in a luggage and leaving people i love behind.
you see, i'm not the kind of person that make friends that easy. it takes a while for me to say that a person is a friend, it takes awhile before i let go of all my inhibitions so to speak. that's why when i become really really good friends with someone, i give my all, i treat them like a brother or sister. so when i left, i felt so empty being away from my friends.
as of now, all i'm looking forward to is my vacation in the phils. a time when i will see them all again and be able to re-connect with them (it really makes me happy whenever they ask "kelan ka uwi, ibyang? kahit paulit-ulit nilang tanungin sasagutin ko). and like i said in my previous email to nessy two days ago: when i see them, i'm gonna hug them oh-so-tight to make up for the times i wasn't able to hug them. and i really will do that.
i was so happy to hear from her. talking to her was like food to my soul. eventhough we only talked for a bit, conversing with her felt like i was finally
relieved of longing. i ached for the kind of friendship that we have: safe, comfortable, at peace. although, we still have the same kind of friendship, it just sucks that we are too far away that we can't do anything about it but just wish that we're in one place at one time.
after talking to her, i just surfed for new songs to download to kill time and at 9:00pm, i called my two girlfriends, nessy and shane. nessy told me this afternoon via email that she and shane will meet up for dinner to do some catching up, so we agreed that i would call them so i can somehow hear their voices and chika.
and chika we did. was another happy moment. hearing their voices, knowing that they are still there for me really counts a lot. i sounded a bit corny to ask them if they miss me...and they said yes---i needed to hear that. i felt somehow my heart healed.
for sometime now, i've been feeling that my life is so far away from the people i love back home. i sometimes wonder how can i feel so alone in this big, big city? i am surrounded by relatives, friends, workmates, and acquaintances, but a part of me is lonely for my true friends.
don't get me wrong. i'm happy with the blessing and opportunity that was given to me, that being here is something i will always be thankful for. but what i have gone thru for the past ten months was one of the hardest things i've done in my life--that's (figuratively) packing my life in a luggage and leaving people i love behind.
you see, i'm not the kind of person that make friends that easy. it takes a while for me to say that a person is a friend, it takes awhile before i let go of all my inhibitions so to speak. that's why when i become really really good friends with someone, i give my all, i treat them like a brother or sister. so when i left, i felt so empty being away from my friends.
as of now, all i'm looking forward to is my vacation in the phils. a time when i will see them all again and be able to re-connect with them (it really makes me happy whenever they ask "kelan ka uwi, ibyang? kahit paulit-ulit nilang tanungin sasagutin ko). and like i said in my previous email to nessy two days ago: when i see them, i'm gonna hug them oh-so-tight to make up for the times i wasn't able to hug them. and i really will do that.
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